the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Your penis caused this!
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize