At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
