Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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