We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
