She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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