He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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