it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
We are all done wearing pants today
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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