I think my fart just growled at me.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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