There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Randomize
