I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
