Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize