i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
