I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
