i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
