thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Randomize
