remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
