Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I have feelings that need drinking.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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