I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
