Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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