He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
True strength comes from lack of pants
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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