After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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