Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
