It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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