You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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