I bet he comes in French.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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