redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
