ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
