There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
