I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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