maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
