I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
