if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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