my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
