somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
