coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
