I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
