just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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