i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Randomize
