I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
you have to choose: penises or morals?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
