i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
