took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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