I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
