I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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