just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
