i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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