Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
