I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
