Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Randomize
