Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
