You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
