i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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