The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
