Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
