I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
