i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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