In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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