ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize