dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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