I showed him my bush... on skype.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
