Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
