my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
