I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize