she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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