He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
no. you can't hotbox the world.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
