I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
