after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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