Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
